Book's Extraction 4 : How to Win Friends and Influence People

 
Disclaimer : This book was recommended by my mentor, Prof Har. So I share here what I think beneficial to anyones who re interested. As this book also was suggested by my cikgu, Saleh.
All in all, lets apply it !

PART 4 : Be a Leader

P1 : Begin with praise and honest appreciation

The principle may change people without giving offense or arousing resentment as if you must find fault, this is the way to begin.

Beginning with praise is like the dentist who begins his work with Novocain. The patient still gets a drilling, but the Novocain is pain-killing.

P2 : Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly

Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word “but” and ending with a critical statement. The person might then question the sincerity of the original praise. To him, the praise seemed only to be a contrived lead-in to a critical inference of failure. This could be easily overcome by changing the word “but” to “and”.

P3 : Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

Dale corrected Josephine’s mistakes by saying : “You have made a mistake, Josephine. By the Lord knows, it’s no worse than many I have made. You were not born with judgement. That comes only with experience, and you are better than I was at your age. I have been guilty og many stupid things myself, I have a vary little incliion to criticize you or anyone. But don’t you think is would have been wiser if you had done so and so?”

It isn’t nearly so difficult to listen to a recital of your faults if the person criticizing begins by humbly admitting that he, too, is far from impecabble.

P4 : Ask questions instead of giving orders

Always give people the opportunity to do things themselves ; he never told his assistants to do things, he let them do them, let them learn from their mistakes.

A technique like that makes it easy for a person to correct errors. A technique like that saves a person’s pride and gives him or her a feeling of importance

P5 : Let the other person save face

Even we are right and the other person is definitely wrong, we only destroy ego by causing someone to lose face. Anoine de Saint-Exupery wrote : I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignty is a crime.

P6 : Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty” in your approbation and lavish in your praise

Use of praise instead of criticism is the basic concept of B.F Skinner’s teachings. This great contemporary psychologist has shown by experiments with animals and with humans that when criticism is minimized and praises emphasized, the good things people do will be reinforced and the poorer things will be atrophy for lack of attention.

Let us praise even the slightest improvement.

P7 : Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

If you want to improve a person in a certain spect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics. Shakespeare said : “Assume a virtue, if yo have it not.

P8 : Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to corret.

Ohio told how encouragement and making faults seem easy to correct completely changed the life of a person.

P9 : Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest

By giving new responsibility and title may change people attitude completely which then will make them fulfil their duties satisfactorily from then on. They will feel they are important. This technique if giving titles and authority worked for Napoleon and it will work for you.

Footnotes : A leader’s job often includes changing your people’s attitudes and behaviour. Some suggestions to accomplist this are by using on these 9 principles.

It is naïve to believe you will always get a favourable reaction from other persons when you use these approaches, but the experience of most people shows that you are more likely to change attitude this way than by not using these principle – and if you increase your successes by even a mere 10 percent, you have become 10 percent more effective as a leader than you were before – and that is your benefit.