Book's Extraction 3 : How to Win Friends and Influence People

Disclaimer : This book was recommended by my mentor, Prof Har. So I share here what I think beneficial to anyones who re interested. As this book also was suggested by my cikgu, Saleh.
All in all, lets apply it !

PART 3 : How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

P1 : The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it

You cant win an argument. you cant because if you lose, you lose it ; and if you win it, you lose it. Why? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride

Suggestions from Bits and Pieces how to keep disagreement from becoming an argument ; Welcome the disagreement, distrust your first instinctive impression, control your temper, listen first, look for areas of agereement, be honest, promise to think over your opponents’ ideas, thank your opponents sincerely for their interest and postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem.

P2 : Show respects to other person’s opinion. Never say “You’re wrong”

If a person makes a statement that you think is wrong-yes, even that you know is wrong – isn’t it better to begin by saying ; “Well, now, look, I thought otherwise but I may be wrong. I frequently am. And if I am wrong, I want to be put right. Lets examine the facts.”

We sometimes find ourselves changing our minds without any resistance or heavy emotion, but if we are told we are wrong, we resent the imputation and harden our heart.

P3 : If you’re wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

Say about yourself all the derogatory things you know the other person is thinking or wants to say or intends to say- and say them before that person has a chance to say them. The chances are hundred to one that a generous, forgiving attitude will be taken and your mistakes will be minimized.

Remember the old proverb : “By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.”

P4 : Begin in a friendly way

Wind and Sun quarreled about which was the stronger, and the wind said “See the old man down there with a coat? I bet I can get his coat off him quicker than you can.” The wind blew but the harder it blew the tighter the old man clutched his coat to him. Finally the wind gave up. The sun came out from behind the clouds and smiled kindly on the old man. Presently he mopped his brow and pulled off his coat. The sun then told the wind that gentleness and friendliness were always stronger than fury and force.

Lincoln said : “A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall”

P5 : Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.

“Socratic method” was based upon getting a “yes, yes” response. He asked questions with which the opponent would have to agree. He kept on winning one admission after another until he had an armful of yeses. He kept on asking questions until finally, almost without realizing it, his opponents found themselves embracing a conclusion they would have bitterly denied a few minutes previously.

The next time we re tempted to tell someone he or she is wrong, let’s remember old Socrates and ask a gentle question – a question that will get the “yes, yes’ response.

P6 : Let the other person do a great deal of the talking

La Rochefoucauld, the French philosopher, said : “If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friend excel you.” Because when our friends excel us, they feel important. But when we excel them, they – or at least some of them – will fel inferior and envious.

Dale said in his book “I started to talk about myself less and listen more to my associates. They also had things to boast about and were more excited about telling me their accomplishments. Now when we have some time to chat, I ask them to share their joys with me, and I only mention my achievements when they ask.”

P7 : Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers

Don’t you have much more faith in ideas that you discover for yourself than in ideas that are handed to you on silver platter? Isn’t wiser to make suggestions, and let the other person think out the conclusion?

P8 : Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view

Cooperativeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you consider the other person’s ideas and feelings as important as your own. Starting your conversation by giving the other person direction or purpose of your conversation, governing what you say by what you would want to hear if you were the listener, and accepting his or her point of view will encourage the listener to have and open mind to your ideas

P9 : Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.

Dr Arthur I. Gates said ; “Sympathy the human species universally craves. The child eagerly displays his unjury – in order to reap abundant of sympathy. For the same purpose adults, show their bruises, relate their accidents, illness, especially details of surgical operations. ‘Self-pity’ for misfortunes real or imaginary is in some measure,practically a universal practice.

So if you want to win people to your way of thinking, give what everybody wants ; sympathy.

P10 : Appeal to the nobler motives

A person usually has two reasons for doing a thing : one that sounds good and a real one. The person himself will think of the real reason. You don’t need to emphasize that. But all of us, being idealist at heart, like to think of motives that sound good. So in order to change people, appeal to the nobler motives.

P11 : Dramatize your ideas

This is the day of dramatization. Merely stating a truth isn’t enough. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, dramatic. You have to use showmanship. The movies do it. Television does it. And you will have to do it if you want attention.

P12 : Throw down a challenge

The one major factor that motivated people was the work itself. If the work was exciting and interesting, the worker looked forward to doing it and was motivated to do a good job. Every successful person loves ; the game (challenge)

The chance for self-expression. The chance to prove his or her worth, to excel, to win. Thai is what makes foot-races and hog-calling and pie-eating ontects. The desire to excel. The desire of feeling importance.